Mixed Feelings

I emailed my Peace Corps placement officer to get a status update. He said the position I was nominated for has been filled and that they are looking for programs that start late spring/early summer.

Hmmm...how do I feel about that?

First, there was a wave of relief because that means I can work at the Municipal Court longer instead of abandoning them after two months.

However, this is quickly replaced with disappointment. How long can I really say that I plan on going to the Peace Corps? How long can I claim that I'm in a transition period before the realization hits that I've really moved back to Huntsville? My education and current status just don't seem to match up.

Then I think, "Is God trying to tell me something?" Am I meant to go to the Peace Corps? Should I be looking for something else? Is He trying to prepare for something specific in the future? These feelings of insecurity and uncertainty SUCK!!

I don't want to torment myself with these feelings, so I try to think of the positives and realities of the situation.
1. I'm going to have to start paying all my loans because I won't be able to defer them as early.
2. I'll be able to make it to the one year reunion if that's what we decide to do.
3. I could go to this volleyball tournament in Florida that Laura invited me to.
4. Maybe I'll actually consider getting a new battery for my phone so that I don't have to complain anymore about it being the worst phone ever.
5. I'll be around for my sisters' birthdays.
6. I'll have more time to research what kind of grad school I want to attend.

How much longer can the Peace Corps abuse me like this?